I don’t know if it started with my pal Molly, or on the Crisco Discos Tour, or from the time my mother walked in on me playing tea party with my own feces, but I love taking pictures of myself on the toilet and posting them to my Instagram – #BoomBoomShot – or just texting them to a lucky friend. I’m not always pooping, but of course it probably looks like that to stand-centric dudes, and who cares. I think it’s funny.
A lot of people don’t! That’s cool, of course. I always say, “there’s an audience for everybody.” But allow me to get philosophical for a second about taking pictures of yourself on the toilet. That’s right.
So, everyone poops. And pees. And pukes. And bleeds. Etc, etc, etc, we are all one, smile on your brother. I think we like to pretend that the most beautiful, seemingly perfect people don’t defecate. Like Kim Kardashian hasn’t been bent in half, blasting last night’s curry. Of course, she gets an immediate warm wash from her bidet, and then her ass is greased up for a photoshoot. But that doesn’t mean that a smelly, runny turd didn’t exit where Kanye enters. And vice versa.
ANYWAY. My “Boom Boom Shots” (the phrase is not my invention, that credit goes to either a Dirty Curl or a Valley Meadow or Andrew Cahak) are the yang to my sexy selfie yin, I guess. The bad with the good. I mean, if you’re with me through my public pictures of me on the toilet, you are probably going to be either invited by me or inviting me into a rebel base camp after The Shit Hits The Fan. Of course you want to be with Kate Upton in the apocalypse, but do you know whether or not she’s going to be grossed out when you have to climb through a pipe lined with raw sewage to save your lives? (Actually, I don’t know what Kate Upton’s personality consists of except for boobs and “war” video games, so maybe she takes boom boom shots too. I don’t know).
ANYWAY. I guess it’s my way of acknowledging that even with the SPYHHWWW* Privilege I experience every day, even without knowing it, I take shits. Just like everyone else. I guess maybe I look better doing it, but that’s mostly Instagram filters. WE ALL SHIT. We all eat something, our body machine processes it, and the unnecessary crap is crapped out and smells like crap. It’s amazing! We are amazing!! SHIT IS AMAZING!
And I post it on the internet so you don’t forget it!
*Skinny Pretty Young Hetero Healthy Wealthy White Woman
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