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12/15 7:30pm
Canteen Points Comedy Show
The Good Nite
10721 Burbank Blvd,
North Hollywood, CA 91601
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Clifton's Cafeteria
Los Angeles, CA
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McCleaniacs & Curlfriends

0 Metaphysical Vagina: David Bowie (Rest In Peace, you crazy diamond)

  • January 11, 2016
  • by dirtycurls
  • · Courtney McClean · Metaphysical Vagina · Really Deep Thoughts

Well dammit. David Bowie passed after an 18-month battle with liver cancer. People are gonna die (VALAR MORGULIS*), that’s what we do if we do nothing else, but of course, dying is going to be the least of what Bowie is remembered for.  I am crying on and off. I don’t own any of Bowie’s albums anymore; I’m a fan, but I can’t name albums and dates and times and personalities, but I know many of his songs by heart and his work was definitely a part of my growing up, my becoming who I be today… hence, “metaphysical vagina.”** I was born partially of David Bowie.

(*I stole this joke from my friend Madde’s dad. 

**”Metaphysical Vagina” is a series of blog entries about those who have birthed me into who I am, started on the Dirty Curls site. Current members of the club include Lida Husik, Steve Martin, and Lil Kim. Tori Amos is a member too, I just have yet to write that one. Holy shit, that’ll be a horrible day when she dies. )

ANYWAY.

Every. Time. I hear the opening guitar of this song…

it takes me right back to my uncle’s house in Banning, CA, where our family is full and laughing and it’s before drugs and alcohol and death and marriages and births and heart attacks. There’s smoke hanging in the air from cigarettes (my uncle and my grandmother, loose chainers) and the breaking of billiard balls is an off-beat punctuation. The whole “Let’s Dance” album was played, but I only remember the first three songs (Modern Love, China Girl, Let’s Dance), which now, upon Googling, makes me feel like I missed out on something because “Cat People” is on that album. Unless maybe it wasn’t played because it’s inappropriate for youngins? This is definitely possible, because the song “China Girl,” I am just now realizing listening to it again, that it makes me feel funny in places like my nethers, but also my racism radar. Like in this adorable moment:

x6q55.gif

 

So that was the early 80s.

Then, in the mid-80s…

Rightfully so, this movie’s legend has been pretty vivacious since the mid-90s, or is that just me? A re-watch at age 19 made me wish I never did, but then another re-watch in my late 20s revived my love. All I know is I know of TWO SEPARATE PEOPLE (both cis dudes) who have cosplayed as Jareth The Goblin King in the past TWO YEARS, so way to go, Bowie’s longevity (and paired with Jim Henson? FUN DIIIPPPPP!).

THEN, on the heels of the success of Labyrinth, in 1987 Bowie released his most critically-panned album to date, but 10 year-old Courtney LOVED THE SHIT OUT OF IT.

never-let-me-down

I made a dance to the song “Glass Spider” and used it in an audition for my 5th grade talent show (totally did not get cast in the talent show). Please listen to that song now to know how insane that is that a 10-year old would choreograph a dance to it:

Also, this is the song that introduced me to the word “macabre” and I think of it every time the word comes across my path.

Then I got into the glam rock of the early 90s and my Bowie fascination was stunted. Even when my college roommate Alex lauded “Space Oddity” as her favorite song and I included it on that year’s mix tape. Even when my pal Leo was playing “Diamond Dogs” on vinyl while we smoked weed in his Spanish Harlem apartment 10 years later, even when the Steve Zissou soundtrack was a gorgeous tribute, nothing truly got me hooked. Not even “Bowie’s In Space!” Maybe I thought I knew, maybe I just had my favorites already. But, Bowie’s never really been an artist I point to as a favorite, but for no reason except that he’s seeped into my subconscious so much over the past almost four decades, that he’s not on the tip of my tongue as an influence. But, he most definitely is. And as I get more into his discography, I’ll have more “oh yeah!” moments… wow, it’ll be like living with my parents.

I can’t say anything about David Bowie’s mark on us that’ll be revolutionary, but shit, man, I feel blessed for all of us that he landed on Earth. A man of artistry, integrity, and authenticity. See you in dreams, melodies, and chords, man.

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0 In Defense of the #BoomBoomShot

  • January 9, 2016
  • by dirtycurls
  • · Courtney McClean · Really Deep Thoughts

I don’t know if it started with my pal Molly, or on the Crisco Discos Tour, or from the time my mother walked in on me playing tea party with my own feces, but I love taking pictures of myself on the toilet and posting them to my Instagram – #BoomBoomShot – or just texting them to a lucky friend. I’m not always pooping, but of course it probably looks like that to stand-centric dudes, and who cares. I think it’s funny.

IMG_9309

A lot of people don’t! That’s cool, of course. I always say, “there’s an audience for everybody.” But allow me to get philosophical for a second about taking pictures of yourself on the toilet. That’s right.

At the Cancun Airport, bitches! 2013.
At the Cancun Airport, bitches! 2013. Yes, that’s a fanny pack. Have we met?

So, everyone poops. And pees. And pukes. And bleeds. Etc, etc, etc, we are all one, smile on your brother. I think we like to pretend that the most beautiful, seemingly perfect people don’t defecate. Like Kim Kardashian hasn’t been bent in half, blasting last night’s curry. Of course, she gets an immediate warm wash from her bidet, and then her ass is greased up for a photoshoot. But that doesn’t mean that a smelly, runny turd didn’t exit where Kanye enters. And vice versa.

Crisco Discos Tour, 2012, where the #BoomBoomShot all started
Crisco Discos Tour, 2012, where the #BoomBoomShot all started

ANYWAY. My “Boom Boom Shots” (the phrase is not my invention, that credit goes to either a Dirty Curl or a Valley Meadow or Andrew Cahak) are the yang to my sexy selfie yin, I guess. The bad with the good. I mean, if you’re with me through my public pictures of me on the toilet, you are probably going to be either invited by me or inviting me into a rebel base camp after The Shit Hits The Fan. Of course you want to be with Kate Upton in the apocalypse, but do you know whether or not she’s going to be grossed out when you have to climb through a pipe lined with raw sewage to save your lives? (Actually, I don’t know what Kate Upton’s personality consists of except for boobs and “war” video games, so maybe she takes boom boom shots too. I don’t know).

IMG_1909
Stinks so good.

ANYWAY. I guess it’s my way of acknowledging that even with the SPYHHWWW* Privilege I experience every day, even without knowing it, I take shits. Just like everyone else. I guess maybe I look better doing it, but that’s mostly Instagram filters. WE ALL SHIT. We all eat something, our body machine processes it, and the unnecessary crap is crapped out and smells like crap. It’s amazing! We are amazing!!  SHIT IS AMAZING!

And I post it on the internet so you don’t forget it!

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*Skinny Pretty Young Hetero Healthy Wealthy White Woman

0 2015: Enter joke about not knowing what “bae” means here

  • January 7, 2016
  • by dirtycurls
  • · Courtney McClean

M’kay Curlfriends, Prolly about an hour ago I promised you a photo recap of my 2015. Because if you don’t already know, this is now a tradition I do so that I can remind myself that I am indeed doing *something* with my life and also so I can remind myself how young and pretty I once was.*

So, with just a tad further adieu, I give you, Courtney McClean (& The Dirty Curls too, of course)’s 2015, in pictures, which if you follow me on Instagram, it’s likely you’ve already seen:

Motorcycle lessons with my pal Marissa
Motorcycle lessons with my pal Marissa
Caroline cosplayed as comedian Chris Knutson for our dance to Lizzo's "Pants Vs. Dress"
Caroline cosplayed as comedian Chris Knutson for our dance to Lizzo’s “Pants Vs. Dress”
I look classy because I just married comic Brandon Reynoso to his wife Molly.
I look classy because I just married comic Brandon Reynoso to his wife Molly.
Got to see Shania Twain with lots of access thanks to my friend Jenny who does her hair and makeup.
Got to see Shania Twain with lots of access thanks to my friend Jenny who does her hair and makeup.
Bought this sexy baby. I named her Yvette.
Bought this sexy baby. I named her Yvette.
Miss Shannan! "On The Fly" again.
Miss Shannan! “On The Fly” again.
My name on the teleprompter, Curlfriends!
My name on the teleprompter, Curlfriends!
Photobombing my own picture of Bill Corbett.
Photobombing my own picture of Bill Corbett.
The Twin Cities' Rockstar Storytellers! We stopped doing our regular shows, but we're still pals.
The Twin Cities’ Rockstar Storytellers! We stopped doing our regular shows, but we’re still pals.
From the Varsity stage, picture by Madoo. The actual show looked not too different from this.
From the Varsity stage, picture by Madoo. The actual show looked not too different from this.
Anna, Lacey, and I went up to Duluth to perform "The Sex (Ed) Show!" at Teatro Zuccone.
Anna, Lacey, and I went up to Duluth to perform “The Sex (Ed) Show!” at Teatro Zuccone.
I lived in Minnesota for almost 8 years!
I lived in Minnesota for almost 8 years!
On my way to some show, eye makeup on fleek, MIRITE KIDS?
On my way to some show, eye makeup on fleek, MIRITE KIDS?
I cosplay Tommy Ryman for our dance!
I cosplay Tommy Ryman for our dance!
The motherfucking beach
The motherfucking beach
Me and Dan Finnerty! We opened for The Dan Band on Jan. 16, 2015.
Me and Dan Finnerty! We opened for The Dan Band on Jan. 16, 2015.
Got some really calm looking headshots
Got some really calm looking headshots
Drove to CA from MN. And stayed there.
Drove to CA from MN. And stayed there.
I did the "Twin Cities Hit Show Podcast" with these guys for the first 55 episodes.
I did the “Twin Cities Hit Show Podcast” with these guys for the first 55 episodes.
Chris "Madoo" Maddock gets a big gold phallic award from the Monday Night Comedy Show
Chris “Madoo” Maddock gets a big gold phallic award from the Monday Night Comedy Show
New biz cards
New biz cards
Rehearsal with Madoo & Cherry, my party Curls
Rehearsal with Madoo & Cherry, my party Curls
"On The Fly," a local MN entertainment show
“On The Fly,” a local MN entertainment show
Choreographed my first dance since like, high school.
Choreographed my first dance since like, high school.
With my Rockstar Storytellers Dave, Rob, and Allegra.
With my Rockstar Storytellers Dave, Rob, and Allegra.
Started doing the El Cid open mic really regularly.
Started doing the El Cid open mic really regularly.
More America.
More America.
With Tony Fly on the now defunct On The Fly
With Tony Fly on the now defunct On The Fly
Hell yeah, Babs came with me.
Hell yeah, Babs came with me.
With the amazing Joseph Scrimshaw, in MN (he's out in Los Angeles too tho)
With the amazing Joseph Scrimshaw, in MN (he’s out in Los Angeles too tho)
The beach
The beach
Every Monday! I do El Cid Open Mic! I love it!
Every Monday! I do El Cid Open Mic! I love it!
Ate this placenta pill
Ate this placenta pill
The man in this picture is my friend Kyle, who passed away in December. We'll miss him terribly. (Gold-suited lady is the fabulous Morgan, still alive and kickin)
The man in this picture is my friend Kyle, who passed away in December. We’ll miss him terribly. (Gold-suited lady is the fabulous Morgan, still alive and kickin)
My childhood acquaintance Laura is now one of my closest friends and podcast partner.
My childhood acquaintance Laura is now one of my closest friends and podcast partner.
We played the Varsity Theater!!! For like 7 people, but WE PLAYED THE VARSITY.
We played the Varsity Theater!!! For like 7 people, but WE PLAYED THE VARSITY.
I moved back to CA this year. And I finally live in Los Angeles.
I moved back to CA this year. And I finally live in Los Angeles.
Minnesota Fringe comes and goes... my tenth one!
Minnesota Fringe comes and goes… my tenth one!
Headlining BNW ETC stage.
Headlining BNW ETC stage.
Snagged the state magnet.
Snagged the state magnet.
So proud after taping the Alex Aaron Comedy Hour
So proud after taping the Alex Aaron Comedy Hour
When my eyes did that weird thing!
When my eyes did that weird thing!
The Curls went as Three's Company for CONvergence, because cosplay
The Curls went as Three’s Company for CONvergence, because cosplay
I worked for an awesome pizza joint and was at the best Twins game ever. They scored 13 times and there were like 4 crazy homeruns. It was magical.
I worked for an awesome pizza joint and was at the best Twins game ever. They scored 13 times and there were like 4 crazy homeruns. It was magical.
Yeah beach feet
Yeah beach feet
Tim Mahoney was a frequent visitor on TCHS because why not
Tim Mahoney was a frequent visitor on TCHS because why not
What I expect to be at the end of 2016.
What I expect to be at the end of 2016.
My eyes are doing this weird thing on purpose. This is me being sexy.
My eyes are doing this weird thing on purpose. This is me being sexy.
Sean Bernard, AKA Timid Guy, AKA one of my favorite people, and a producer of the Twin Cities Hit Show podcast.
Sean Bernard, AKA Timid Guy, AKA one of my favorite people, and a producer of the Twin Cities Hit Show podcast.
I headlined the Brave New Workshop ETC Comedy Showcase.
I headlined the Brave New Workshop ETC Comedy Showcase.
Anna made me this lovely necklace as a departure gift.
Anna made me this lovely necklace as a departure gift.
Last show for MN's Rockstar Storytellers
Last show for MN’s Rockstar Storytellers
Michelle Biloon was a guest on the Twin Cities Hit Show and she is v cool
Michelle Biloon was a guest on the Twin Cities Hit Show and she is v cool
I'm not sure a lot of people miss me, but *someone* does (her name is Jen A)
I’m not sure a lot of people miss me, but *someone* does (her name is Jen A)
I performed on the Inner Sanctum stage
I performed on the Inner Sanctum stage
Some sexy place somewhere in this gorgeous country, across which I drove, from MN to CA, in two days. Not recommended.
Some sexy place somewhere in this gorgeous country, across which I drove, from MN to CA, in two days. Not recommended.
My first Punchline Punchout!
My first Punchline Punchout!
Anna, Alicia, and I flex for the marquee
Anna, Alicia, and I flex for the marquee
Finally made that vagina tip jar
Finally made that vagina tip jar
My father put on a wig and got my CA ID for me.
My father put on a wig and got my CA ID for me.

 

2016? More beaches! More TV! More fanny packs! More banjo!

*I still think I’m young and pretty. I think you’re young and pretty too.

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