Enjoy, McCleaniacs!
Fifty-one years: this. has. been. my. bar. stool.
Seen laughter & tears, through summers and school
Cocaine after parties since before it was cool;
Bedded every bartender, but … I ain’t no fool.
Now you know I’ve been coming every day this year.
I’ve sat here and scoped you out – you’re my kind o’ queer.
But you said no, you didn’t wanna see my bedroom ceiling mirror.
So lemme rephrase the question in case I wasn’t clear.
Listen closely to mama; I ain’t talking bout beer…
If you ain’t gonna tap it, I’ll take it in the can
Sooner, not later, is when I get my man
Take your quickie smoke break, then let’s do it in your van.
If you ain’t gonna tap it, I’ll take it in the can.
Seventy-two years…. on Earth ain’t bad
I don’t shave much of anything, don’t got no six-pack abs
But I ain’t birthed no chillens, so my hoo ha’s pretty rad
And Menopause was years ago; You ain’t gonna be no dad!
Sure, you’re a young stud, pick any babe you want.
That redhead at the end’s got some ta-tas to flaunt
But you ain’t the first young tender thing I’ve tempted at this haunt.
And you won’t be the last, so can’t I please get on’t?
If you ain’t gonna tap it, I’ll take it in the can
Sooner, not later, is when I get my man
Take your quickie smoke break, then let’s do it in your van.
If you ain’t gonna tap it,
If you ain’t gonna tap it,
If you ain’t gonna tap it…. I’ll take it in the can.
Courtney McClean 